so blue......

I really am depressed.
All I've done for two days is cry. And eat.
And nothing soothes me.

Did I mention that I am trapped in my house due to the snow?
Husband is out of town till mid-week and my drive has like 4" of snow in it.
Seriously. FOUR FEET.
That's taller than my kids, who are tickled about the snow.

I am just sad. And blue. And crying. And hungry.

And did my shitty neighbor snowblow my drive out, when he did everyone else's...? NO. He KNOWS my husband is gone. Jerk. He's just mad because I told him last summer to kindly not stare at my ass.

Did I mention I AM DEPRESSED...? Should I talk to my husband about it?
Don't know if I will.
I hate being weak.

moods and foods...

I don't think I am moody anymore...
I honestly think I am depressed.
It's hard to say what is the cause: my hormones (which are all over the place), my weight (which doesn't move), my crushing responsibilities (which never end).
I'm just really blue. I have no motivation. I don't care about anything. Not even food...
I don't usually get like this in the winter.
But I will admit here and nowhere else: I think I'm depressed.

Now what do I do about it?
Well, today is a Snow Day. I live on the (B)East Coast, where they're calling this THE STORM OF THE CENTURY....(they say that every time...cry wolf, anyone?)
So my kids are home, we have a stack of movies and kid-approved snacks.
And I can't go to the gym :(

This actually bums me out even further. I WANTED TO GO TODAY.
So I'm forced to work out at home.
With the kids watching me.
I have a hard time with people watching me.
I don't like an audience.
I have a hard enough time when my abs-of-Steel trainer watches me.....

Man, am I whiny today or what?
Whiny AND depressed and still fat.
I'm a real catch.....

Usually if I am bummed, I will try to bring myself out of it with some sort of comfort food. Not this time. I fixed BACON this morning (which let's be honest, has no nutritive value whatsoever, it just tastes WICKED good.....) and I took one bite and threw it away....

That's what I knew something was wrong.

So why do we have comfort foods? What's yours? Mine is usually bread. I love bread. Which explains my hips.

Speaking of hips, you know what I did yesterday? I was naked (ugh) in front of the mirror and I pulled all my hip fat aside to see what I would like without the fat on them, and underneath the rolls, I have a delicious hourglass figure. Will I ever see it? It depends on how hard I am willing to work. What I am willing to give up.

I gotta shake these blues.....just gotta...

Tomorrow I will weigh in for this blog. No one else is reading it so it's essentially my online diary...

still moody...

I'm still moody.
Had some setbacks with working out.
My husband's work schedule has made me choose between spending time with him or getting fit.

So I have been choosing time with the husband....

And I don't know WHY I am moody and that bugs me...

But I am....and I am annoying even myself. I'm real fun to live with lately.

You know that when you're stressed, your body releases cortisol....and I must be pumping it like an oil well...I got some stress, oh yeah. But who doesn't? It's just another excuse.....and I know it.

My stress? My husband's job might be relocating him. Far from where we live.
FAR....
As in across the country....
I like new places, but I am worried about so much change....

(I do wanna get skinnier before we move though.....)

Last year, I did this

Fat Flush Diet

and I think I'm going to do it again......It was very effective. And I need something to jump start this process....and I'm going to do my Wii every day, and work out at the gym 4x weekly. Gonna try this for a month....I need something...