digging for the reasons...

Still blue, still somewhat depressed....
but I'm thinking, thinking about why and what I eat.
The emotions and the foods of my foods :)

And I so want things to be different.
It's not going to change unless *I* do...

Then I read some more of

Badass Fitness

and am once again, inspired. And determined.

I'm going to get off the computer and do some exercises while we're snowed in. Then I'll do the laundry and do some more workouts.

Good news: I'm convinced my husband to let me install a home gym (minimum equipment) in our next house, if we end up moving...Things like a Bosu ball, some free weights and a mirror. And a good radio or TV. I would LOVE a new treadmill but don't want to invest THAT much...

PS that image that I chose has NOTHING to do with the link I shared with you....it's just the butt I would like to have for myself :)

.....ssshhhh...no one knows......

you know why I haven't posted?

Because 1) I am busy,
and 2) it's hard to post to this blog WHEN NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT IT!!! It's a SECRET....

Since I'm all about the honesty of dealing with my fat ass, I gotta say: I'm not being honest with my husband about this blog.

I want to keep it secret for now, because I really wanna share. Share some stuff that's REALLY hard for me to talk about. I don't have close girlfriends who I can dish the dirt with. I don't have sisters that I like (I have sisters but they're BAD people...)

I haven't been so good lately. Been eating some crappy food (man, I love chinese food...). Not working out every day like I should. I've been to the gym, but not every single day. I WANT to go there. I'm just swamped with life...I'm a Mom, and I have a job. And occasionally I have to sleep.

I don't have my weight to share with you. Mainly because it's THAT week. You know THAT WEEK that being a girl sucks. I have cramps that would kill a grown man. My husband was so grateful to go to the office today :) All I can think is that I want to go get on the treadmill and walk through the pain.

I've been looking at other bloggers, other websites. I like this one best :

Badass Fitness

That woman inspires me. I want that so bad that I actually threw away all the candy in my house today. ALL OF IT. Even that bag of mini Reese's PB cups that I adore...I had a long talk with myself today, while naked in the mirror, and I yelled at myself, "do you want it?" And through tears, I heard myself quietly say "yes."

So I'm in it. It's on, baby. I wanna be a BadAss, too.

Tomorrow, I will share a photo of my FatAss. I don't want to. But I will.
What I will not do is tell anyone about this blog yet. It's my secret weapon. Instead of having a Happy Place (where there is usually a Cold Stone Creamery Like It Size with extra Oreos...), I'm going to have a Secret Place, where honesty and accountability rule.

But let's just keep it between us, eh?