Friday, February 26, 2010

...step up....

I haven't been avoiding you.
I've been busy.
Plus it's REALLY hard to hide this from my husband.
I tell him just about everything, and let's face it, my fat ain't no secret...
but this blog is personal. And private.
And I'm vulnerable here, because I blurt things out that just pop into my head....

Why the hair-pulling picture?
I am frustrated.
I have given stuff up completely.
As in CHOCOLATE, and soda, and anything tasty....
And I'm at the gym almost every freakin' day and I am not seeing results that I want.
I am hating life right now. I just want to yell to the Heavens, "Fine, I'll be fat forever...."
But my momma didn't raise a quitter. No sirree.....

So I keep going. Bitching about it nonetheless.
I miss chocolate. I could literally cry just thinking about chocolate.

My weigh-in? I did it. I am still at 169#. Fucking scale.
I hate the scale.

Attitude shift......let me focus for a moment what I *do* like....
I like sleeping better.
I like working out once I'm started.
I like knowing that in a few months, I'll be able to look back and say "Hell Yes, I did it."
Right now, it just sucks...
And I don't want to share all of that just yet.
Maybe when I get famous and skinny.....not!

I worked out with a different trainer yesterday. I fear that I'm getting lax. Because I can wowrk myself out for an hour and it's a good solid workout and I'm all sweaty, but when the trainers work me, I'm dripping with sweat and begging for water. And sore.....My body and my logical brain are telling me what I already know: I gotta step it up.

So I go into this weekend with a different mission: to confuse my muscles and give my routine something new. What I'm doing ain't cuttin' it.....

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