burtally honest.....(long)

Had a great workout these last 2 days. Deep, sweaty, almost passionate...I know that sounds funny, but I WANT to be passionate about my health. Plus I want to be smokin' hot, and have my husband be passionate about me....I'm a LONG way (as you'll see) from that.....

There were many influences that led to this post....
My gasping yesterday at the gym, sharing my frustrations with my trainer, agreeing to double down and work even harder. And a very weird conversation that led to me getting felt up in the ladies room at my gym. No lie....
Here's how it went down: (and there will be history interjected as we go....)

In the locker room, I was just getting dressed in my street clothes and one of those women walked in. You know the type...? PERFECTLY sculpted legs that beg for a mini skirt, boobs that gravity has not touched, and just...perfect.....I do try and strike up conversations with people, especially when I'm caught staring at their boobs......so I said, "I love your shoes. " They were really cute: they were Nike, and they had some bouncing air technology that was telling me about. She'd gotten them at Nordstom's for $125 on sale.....then it was quiet and I just blurted it out "I wish I had your boobs...they're magnificent..." She looked shocked and sat on the bench next to me (a little close for my taste....but still....) and she looked me deep in the eye and said, "They're fake. I paid $10,000 for them after I survived breast cancer."

Well I instantly felt like shit for thinking she was one of those snobby perfect prissy women....She then told me her story, how she was only 32 when she got her diagnosis, it came during a prenatal visit where she had to decide where she'd carry the baby she and her then husband had been trying for, or if she'd aggressively attack the advanced cancer that they'd found....it came down to her life or the baby. Her marriage dissolved when she chose her own life: the man she loved couldn't handle it and left. So she was left, broken, feeling life half a woman, no boobs, no baby and few options....

Long story short, she fought a good fight, has been cancer free for a number of years. She got new (magnificent) boobs. She's even friends with the ex, who has remarried and is expecting a baby with his new Mrs. I was in tears listening to her. I told her how much I admired her strength. Then she floored me again. She told me that she used to be CHUBBY, too!! I told her of my frustrations and how hard I am working and how I don't see any changes...at least the ones I want....

Well, you could've knocked me over but she said, "Well, you do have a nice ass....." (You must be thinking, that is some wild locker room......and it is. Women TALK in there....) ---I was flattered by her comments, and it made me feel good because about two months ago, my husband was walking behind me and he complimented my butt. That one comment from my husband carried me for MONTHS, I kid you not.....----) So I told the Boob Lady, whose name I do not know, that I was thankful. She surprised me when SHE REACHED OVER AND SQUEEZED MY BUTT...I froze, I didn't know what to do. I literally froze, but she touched me with a clinical sense, showing me where my muscles were becoming more defined. As I stood there, looking in the mirrors that I loathe, with Boob Lady's hand on my ass ---I was wearing underwear, but still....---I could see it. Some muscles. In my BUTT!! I was a little happy at that point.

After all me and Boob Lady shared, we went our separate ways but I will remember her story. We all have struggles. Some bigger than others. But we all struggle.....

But this encounter did inspire me to take some photos. Of my butt. What I DON'T LIKE is my front butt. What is a front butt you ask? It's so common that's even in UrbanDictionary.com:

(noun) An enormous, fatty enlargment of the abdomen, genital, and thigh region that morphs together to create the appearance of a bulbous ass on a persons front.

That's me. Fatty enlargement. Bulbous ass on person's front. Oh man, is that me....A few c-sections severing my muscles has impaired my ability a bit but I am grossed out just looking at these.

This is a BIG leap for me. First you'll see my actual butt, followed by my front butt. I am DETERMINED to lose this shit. Hiding it under t-shirts is one thing. But having a photo ON MY BLOG is another. (scroll down and prepare for grossness.....)---and I hope you're not eating anything....---
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Pictures don't lie.
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not bad. My actual butt is not bad. It can do with some toning but overall, NOT bad.....
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last chance to bail.....
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okay, that hurts just looking at it on the screen. I mean. That's my ABS under there. Until I can lose this chunk, no amount of crunches matter. If I could change ONE thing about myself, it would be this....

Am I inspired to put down that Twinkie? You bet. I am working hard and that means accountable.

I can't believe I just put my Front Butt on the internet. I am insane obviously. But that's why I like anonymity.

Also noteworthy, I have not had a soda of ANY kind in over 2 weeks.....at over 200 calories, the few that I drank save me a POUND a week.....

I'm gonna click pot now before I go back and delete......seeing those pictures I am REALLY glad that my husband loves me no matter what...