hard.....

1. I searched for a photo for "bloated" and this is EXACTLY how I feel....except for the floating part :)

2. I feel like a quitter. I have done nothing but eat and be a bum these last two weeks. But yesterday, I went to the gym. It felt sooooo good to work out again. So if it feels so good, why am I not more consistent? Who the hell knows?

3. I still haven't weighed in. My period is almost over, so I'll weigh in as soon as it's over. I don't want to weigh in. Because I'm going to be so angry when I see those numbers. I'll be mad about every stupid cookie that I willingly chose to stick in my mouth. I'll be angry that I did this to myself again....And I have to deal with that.

4. Change won't happen unless you want it bad enough.....

5. it's really REALLY hard to keep hiding this blog from my husband. I may have to share it with him. I don't want to.....it's not that I am saying things here that I don't want to share with him. I mean, come on....he knows I'm fat. He sees me, no matter how hard I try to hide...but I don't want to talk about my fat with him....Sure, he's supposed to love me no matter what, but I want him to LOVE me and WANT me. How can he want me when I disgust myself....?

6. I will admit to doing one good thing this week: I've increased my water intake. Substantially....now I just have to keep it up, wherein lies my dilemma....CONSISTENCY...

7. I'm gonna keep trying. Even when I screw up....