I am alone...

The Husband Unit is out of town.
The kids are outside playing.
I am ALONE in my house.
I already went to the gym.
5th day straight by the way....
Not that anyone is paying attention.
I am alone.

Alone with my fat.
Can't hide it. In a way, I don't want to anymore.
Sure I want to be rid of it, but I have to own it first....

On that path towards ownership, I have encountered some hiccups.
Things that get in my way: never-ending ceaseless parental responsibilities, the fact that I have to eat & sleep, the fact that I'm human and hopelessly flawed. And my weakness, oh my weaknesses. There are many....
And they are in my way.
I'm having to tell myself "NO"....I'm having to deny myself things that I want.
And I don't want to. I want to taste all the goodness there is. I want literally to EAT IT UP.
And that's why I am fat. Because I didn't deny myself....

So here I am, I'm saying "no".
I'm turning away.
I'm going without....

And in this, I am alone. Everyone around me seems to eating whatever they want.
I resent it, but I have only myself to blame....

Which do I want more? The healthy body or the full tummy?
I want the healthy body, OF COURSE....
But man, I would so love some onion rings, too...