Tuesday, March 2, 2010

...SCREW this.....

That is exactly how I felt yesterday..
After ALL of the doing without, sacrificing, resisting, not to mention EXERCISING.....I gained a freaking pound. Not just one pound, but 1.8 pounds.
So yesterday, I said "screw this" and relaxed and ate stuff I wanted.
The pressure release was immediate.
Just proves what my trainer said is true: I'm wound too tight....(which I knew but still....)

I'm doing without and not seeing ANY benefit.
And I'm driving myself crazy.....

So for the next 7 days, I'm going to give myself permission to indulge responsibly. You might be thinking, if you could be responsible, you wouldn't be so damn chunky.....YEAH!

But this constant never-ending worry about what I stick in my mouth and what my body's going to do with it is torturing me. So we'll see how the next 7 days goes. If I gain 5#, then I know I'm doomed to forever be The Chubby Housewife. And I don't want that.

I was so mad when I saw that 1.8# gain. I really was....I wanted to scream. I did cuss and scream in my head. Then I cried. I was feeling real emotional. And what happens when we're emotional: we eat for comfort. I'll admit, I made mashed potatoes and gravy last night. I ate a respectable portion. Nothing that would scare people, but man, did those potatoes taste gooooooood.

Today holds another trainer session. I feel like I'm just wasting money. Nothing is working. Except for me: I'm working. And I want to just give up and eat my way through the ice cream section. I do. But I won't. I'm going to honor my promise to myself and double down and get back to it. I just really want to stick my middle finger at the scale.

I considered telling my husband last night about this blog. This thought occurred to me during sex. (Don't judge. My husband is GREAT in bed but I have ADD and my mind can wander at ANY time...) It was sex-related how the thought popped up. He had his hands in a "no-touch" zone! You know, those places where the fat bunches up? Don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about......I hate that my husband has to censor where he can touch me, because he KNOWS I hate my body. I so want to change that...and THAT is the thought that will get me out of this chair and in the gym. Because I love myself enough to keep trying....

we'll talk about Sex and The Chubby Housewife on another day.....

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