(Explanation: I looked up a photo, searching under stock photos for "quitter" and this photo popped up....I HAD to use it...)
I've had a rough spell.
I decided last week, "Screw this...I don't look THAT bad..."
I so wanted to quit. I did. I engaged in a HUGE whine-fest, complete with a shameless Oreo fest. I ate 12 of them very quickly and shortly thereafter, my fat bod said, "Nope, we're not going down this way....." and puked them back up....You know what puked up Oreos does to a craving...? It ruins it....I can no longer look at an Oreo. Especially those creepy Spring themed ones with a variety of pastel filling. That whole thing bugs me....It should be WHITE filling only, but I digress.
My desire for healthiness is threatened the weakness of my nature.
I want to give up. I want to yell from that treadmill, "FORGET IT!! I'm done.."
But that won't happen. I'm committed. I'm here. I want this, and gosh-darn-it, I deserve health.
But man, it ain't gonna come easy. I'm working harder than I ever have before. I'm in that gym 5-6 days A WEEK, I'm there so much, other people ask me questions (which I defer)....I'm committed. I just wish I could see more results out of my efforts.
I'm going to see my doctor about a referral to an endocrinologist to check things out. I'm a bit nervous. But I'm bringing my trainer's log so that they can see that I'm not lying: I'm actually exercising! Im keeping a food journal. I even write down when I chew gum. (I'm madly in love with Stride Spearmint gum..and Orbit Mango gum..the funkier the flavor, the happier I am..)
my favorite exercise this week? Squats with weights. It's really improving my balance. I'm even getting compliments on my butt.. Now if I could just get the front butt to go away....
I'm also feeling kind of alone. Since this blog is HIGHLY secret (not even my hunky husband knows about it...), I feel alone. No one knows I'm writing here. If you're reading this, please comment. Tell me something, anything.
Also this week, I'm going to try green tea. I'm a lil nervous about that. I wish I knew which kind to buy. I'm digging my hot lemon water with Stevia.....I love that stuff, so does my liver :)
I'm off to walk now. I'm setting my goal between 4-5 miles per week. Setting my goal low at first guarantees that I'll make it!!