Wednesday, January 20, 2010


what I've been up to....

Okay, I've been at the gym sweating, lifting, grunting...did I mention sweating?
And I've been enjoying it. I even sit there, while we're watching Family TV programming and I'm secretly thinking, "I could be at the gym..." Freaky man.....

I'm determined though. Determined NOT to give up. I am NOT holding myself to an impossible standard, I am allowing myself to not be perfect (I mean, shit, NO ONE is perfect, even my neighbor who thinks she is.....) I even allow myself to eat the occasional thing that is so not a diet/fitness food. Like a lil mini-chocolate bar. Because let me tell you, me without chocolate during THAT WEEK is not recommended. I need a lil something.

Results...what if you don't see them?

One thing's for sure: I am focused on my goal: looking good, feeling good. CHANGE. And not that Barack Obama-bullshit change. I swore I was not going to talk about politics because it has NOTHING to do with my size 14 jeans, but I hate that his campaign hijacked the word "change". Now I can't use it very often without sounding like the mindless idiots who are following him over that cliff.....Ooops! Guess you know where I stand? I am pretty sure I just lost my only reader :)

Seriously, what is you're grunting and sweating and really pouring your heart (and butt) into working out and the numbers don't move? You can cuss at the scale (like I did...) and immediately head for the fridge, where you have that secret stash of mini Hershey bars leftover from Halloween (like I did....) or you can change it up. I ended up throwing out (most of) the Hershey bars and went to my room, cranked my music and did some push-ups. And I was mad. I mean, I AM SWEATING, people!! S-W-E-A-T-I-N-G??? That should give me results, right?

But I am not going to lose my focus. I can feel my body changing. I can feel my abs, I can't SEE them, but damn it, I can feel 'em. (they hurt)...I am enjoying working out. My size 14 jeans are fitting differently and my arms don't have the huge arm-turkey-gobbler...I'm actually getting muscles....My husband teases me that I'm going to be muscle-bound. You bet I am, buddy, so you better watch it. I'm going to be HOT, too.


Comfort in my own skin

Watched "Biggest Loser" last night. Don't hate me, but I love that show. I do. And I loved that my husband will watch it with me. He's very supportive. And he says he loves me no matter what I look like. But really? Seriously.....? He's a GUY. He's visual. Are you trying to tell me that he wouldn't love for me to be toned up, stronger, leaner.....Of course, he would. Is it wrong that I think he'd love me differently if I were hotter? I want to feel sexy. I want to be able to strip down to my undies in front of my husband. Like a lot of women, I'm not so comfortable with what life (and kids) have done to my body. But how much more damage did *I* do with say, a bunch of cheeseburgers?? I want to feel good about how I look. I want to feel confident. I want that in the worst way.

THAT is what keeps me sweating, and grunting and working towards my goal. Even when the numbers don't move. For full disclosure sake: I am down to 166. Doesn't sound like much. A two pound loss. Big deal.....But I would bet I lost a lil fat but gained some muscle. I should have done measurements.....

Focus. Goal. Sweat. Health.
That's what I am doing....

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